A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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