Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
