Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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