i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
