rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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