My nipple is on Facebook.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
