My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
