okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
