You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
