2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
