i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
