fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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