Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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