How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
