We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
