I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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