The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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