guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize