What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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