i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize