Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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