Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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