you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Success! We fucked roommates!
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