so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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