Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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