it wasn't lemon gatorade
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize