I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want her autograph on my taint
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
