If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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