Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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