she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
