He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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