Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize