I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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