I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
