this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
is it fun? or sober?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
