what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
