just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
