Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
