Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
