On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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