i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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