I'd wear matching sweaters with you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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