thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
