There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Mom said you looked used
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
