I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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