thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
