this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
