Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
