Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
