i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
