i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
