so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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