so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
