Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Less talking, more tequila
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
