Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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