But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When are your genitals available?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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