We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The air was thick with penises
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
