i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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