Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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