it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
