dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
