my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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