I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
