I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
