she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
