Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
