This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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