so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
please don't ironically join a cult
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