My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
