You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
