I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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