Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sex in a hospital.. check
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
