Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
