Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
