he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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