apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
