Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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