i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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