Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize