you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
