her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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