You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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