okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
