Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
