don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
