what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
