Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize