Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
