Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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