What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
