a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
