she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
