Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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