my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it glows. i had to have it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
wow bdsm is so cute
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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