I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
