my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
