I feel great
I just peed on a car
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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