You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
