i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
