i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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