I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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