He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
