bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
