am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
