I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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