my phone needs a breathalizer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
