it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
