I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
