i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
